Jared E.

I’m terrible at bios - so here are some cheesy pick up lines instead — They say nothing lasts forever, so will you be my nothing? Did your license get suspended for driving all those guys crazy? I'm learning about important dates in history, wanna be one of them? If you were a fruit, you'd be a "fine-apple." If you were a vegetable, you'd be a cute-cumber. I'm not an organ donor, but I'm ready to give you my heart. Anyone who says Disneyland is the happiest place on earth has clearly never stood next to you. On a scale of 1 to 10, you're a 9 and I'm the 1 you need. I'd never play hide and seek with you, because someone like you is impossible to find. If you were words on a page, you'd be fine print. When I text you good morning tomorrow, what number should I text? On a scale from 1 to America, how free are you this weekend? Do you smoke pot? Cause weed be cute together. Are you a beaver? Because DAM! Is your last name Ford? Cause I Mustang with you. Should we get coffee? Cause I like you a latte. I see you like Casablanca… Does that mean you’ll give me a shot? Is your name Chamomile? Cause you’re a hot-tea! Are you made of cheese? Cause you’re looking Gouda! I’d like to take you to the movies, but they don’t allow you to bring snacks in. Are you my neighbor’s WiFi router? Cause I really wish you were a bit closer. Just to be clear, I’m a felon… cause I felon love with you. Your eyes are like Ikea: easy to get lost in. Are you a Nissan? Because I want you Altima self. If you were a triangle, you’d be acute one. If you were a booger, I’d pick you first. If you were a typeface, you’d be fine print.